Despite my efforts to push it aside and ignore it, fear is a regular companion of mine. I’m desperate to send it on it’s way so that I can move forward doing the things “normal” people do.
Yet it lingers.
And I as I consider how to push the fear aside, I’m reminded that the second step to Courageous Self Expression is Acceptance.
Isn’t it lovely when your own medicine comes to bite you in the ass?
Yes, well, acceptance. How can I befriend this fear I have?
Turns out I have to take a step back to awareness. Yes, I’m aware of the fear, but do I understand it? Do I truly see it? Perhaps not.
So here I sit, fear by my side, conversing. Getting reacquainted like old friends.
She reminds me how her ability to be hyper aware enabled me to anticipate expectations and meet them in order to prevent anger, trouble, discipline.
And I remind her how it didn’t always work.
She reminds me of the times my body gave out on me.
And I remind her of the times it held me fast.
She reminds me of all the what if’s and I remind her of the possibilities.
It’s a back and forth we play, no one seeming to gain the upper hand.
So today I reach out, take her hand and hold it fast. ”Thank you for loving us so deeply,” I say. “For working so hard to keep us safe”.
I see her relax with a small smile, exhaustion clear on her face. And I gather her up in my arms as she crumples toward me.
Rest now, my love, I’ve got it for now.
There’s always tomorrow.
How do you work with your fears? Do you push them aside or attempt to befriend them? What tools and practices do you leverage to access the courage to move through them?